Fuzzy Wuzzy
by Amberwind2001
Summary: The Doctor attempts to solve his shaving problem, and Rose winds up having several hearty laughs at his expense.


Written for the Whooligans contest overon Livejournal, and set in **jesidres**'s AU where the Doctor was infected by the werewolf during Tooth and Claw.

~.o0o.~

_Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.  
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.  
If Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,  
Then Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?_

Rose was settling down for a nap in a hidden corner of the library. Of course, she knew her bed would be more comfortable, but she also knew a certain Time Lord would go looking for her there first, and if he caught her deliberately taking a kip, she would be on the receiving end of a rather obnoxious lecture on silly inferior humans sleeping their lives away.

Plus, in a leap of logic only a female human mind is capable of, she decided that if he caught her napping in the library, she could pretend she had nodded off accidentally, a circumstance which held the potential to make him feel guilty enough (with a bit of well-placed prodding on her part) to indulge her in either a shopping trip or a visit to her mother. All in all, she figured it was a win-win situation for her.

What she hadn't counted on was the inhuman whimpering, whining, and yelping drifting through the TARDIS's halls that would have disturbed her regardless of where she had drifted off. With a sigh, she extracted herself from the comfort of the overstuffed chair she had curled up in, and followed the sounds to the closed door of one of the bathrooms deep within the ship.

"Doctor?" she called out, knocking lightly on the door, "Are you alright in there?"

Through the barrier between them, Rose heard the Doctor's quick yelp of surprise, and the sounds of items crashing into the sink and onto the floor. "Rose?" The Doctor squeaked, his voice an octave higher than normal. She heard him clear his throat, and when he spoke again his voice was its normal timbre, although he sounded decidedly nervous. "No, Rose, I'm fine, everything's just fine and dandy. Not that I'm a dandy of course. I mean, I am rather dapper this time around, if I do say so, but I don't think I care about fashion enough to be considered a dandy. Although, my third body, mind you…"

Rose sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "Doctor, I'm coming in."

As she turned the handle and began to swing the door open, she heard another muffled scramble and then the door abruptly slammed shut, the Doctor obviously leaning against the other side to keep it closed. "No, Rose! Really, I'm okay. You don't need to come in; I'm perfectly alright on my own in here."

"Doctor, I don't even need to see you to know that you're rubbing your neck," Rose huffed at the door, utterly exasperated.

The door swung open, almost causing Rose to tumble straight into the Doctor. "Now just what," he asked indignantly, "is that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Rose said, regaining her balance by grabbing onto the door frame, "that you are a terrible..."

Rose trailed off when she got her first good look at the Doctor. The lower half of his face and most of his neck was covered in thin white waxing strips, several of them partially peeled away to reveal reddened skin with hair missing in some spots but not others, testament to the fact that he had not been able to pull consistently at any one strip. Floating in steaming water in the sink (along with a toothbrush and several combs) was a large jar of a slightly yellowish substance that Rose would bet good money was picked up last time they visited Tesco's.

Rose did what any reasonable woman would do in that situation; she laughed. Hysterically. And when she started to calm, she took another look at the Doctor's semi-mummified face and sheepish expression, pointed, and laughed some more.

After a few minutes of this, the Doctor pouted and asked her in a wounded tone, "Are you finished?"

"Yes, yes," Rose replied, still giggling slightly and wiping mirthful tears from her cheeks. "So, any particular reason you've suddenly decided to do a very bad Boris Karloff impression?"

The Doctor shrugged half-heartedly, and began to reach up to rub his neck. He stopped the motion, though, as he realized what he was doing, and stuffed his hand into his pants pocket instead. "You know very well that I have had to shave three times a day since that werewolf bit me. I'm sick of looking like some scruffy mountain man all the time."

"So, waxing, then?"

"Yup!" Replied the Doctor, popping the 'p'. "My hair will still grow faster than normal, but waxing should allow me at least four days without having to waste time with a razor."

"That's assuming you can ever manage to actually remove any of the waxing strips," said Rose as she stepped closer and fingered one of the partially removed strips, causing the Doctor to wince slightly. "All right, Doctor. Budge up."

"What?! No, Rose, really, I can handle this on my own!" The Doctor's eyes widened and his voice rose in pitch as Rose took hold of his shoulders and steered him further into the bathroom, forcing him to sit on the toilet.

"Not from those noises you were making earlier, Doctor." At his panic-stricken expression, Rose gave him a small smile and rubbed her hands over his arms to comfort him. "Don't worry. I've had to wax myself loads of times, and in places a lot more sensitive than your face. At least let me fix the mess you've started with."

"Oi!" The Doctor huffed, briefly offended by the implication, but his resolve melted in the face of Rose's gentle smile and the soothing motions of her hands over his arms. "Oh, alright."

"Fantastic!" Rose beamed at him, before gathering the supplies she would need to wax his beard off properly.

~o0o~

It had been roughly 36 hours since Rose had finished with her 'patient'. The Doctor had fussed like a child when she started, and had winced and moaned as she peeled the strips off, but was nearly purring like a cat (not that he would ever admit to such a thing) by the time she had taken the warm towel from his face and rubbed lotion into his skin to dull the sting of the waxing.

Now, he was bouncing around the console, chattering a mile a minute and grinning like a loon. Rose couldn't help but grin back, his enthusiasm infectious as ever. "So, where are we off to?"

The Doctor ran his eyes over the console, tweaking dials and pressing buttons as he made slight adjustments to the TARDIS's flight. "Treneaes Four. It hangs in a small orbit between two suns. Three moons, plus a lovely debris cloud in the upper atmosphere from a near-collision with a comet that left a good chunk of its tail behind a few thousand years ago. A bit geologically unstable, but the sky is gorgeous, and the local fauna should give us several minutes warning before any tremors start. Plenty of time to run back to the TARDIS."

Rose giggled slightly, and wagged a finger at the Doctor's back as he continued to circle the console. "Three moons? It doesn't matter how gorgeous the sky is; you just want to get furry and chase small animals."

The Doctor tried to look offended, and failed miserably. "Honestly, you act like I don't have any self-control."

Rose raised an eyebrow at him, and the Doctor took the hint and decided not to bait her further. A moment later, the TARDIS landed with a satisfying whump, and her occupants raced for the doors. Rose strode a few feet outside, and stared up open-mouthed at the night sky above her. Instead of the inky darkness of most worlds, the sky was filled with swirling bands of hazy color, alternating purples, pinks, yellows and oranges against a backdrop of navy, stars twinkling in the spaces between bands of vapor and debris. She could see two of the planet's three moons, the colors in the air doing little to obscure them. "'S beautiful!"

Rose heard the rustling of cloth behind her, and at this point she knew better than to look. Instead, she reached her hand to her side, and was met with soft fur. She felt him rumble in appreciation as she stroked behind his ears. Rose turned to him, to start asking questions, and instead burst out laughing.

"What? What is it?" The Doctor asked, his eyes widening as his fuzzy ears stood straight up, a canine mannerism that only seemed to make Rose laugh harder.

"You… your…" Rose gasped, unable to speak through her mirth. She gestured up at his face several times, which only caused the Doctor to become more confused. Finally, she gave up, and fished a small compact mirror from her jeans pocket. She opened it, and gestured towards her chin, before handing the mirror to the Doctor.

The Doctor took the compact from Rose, and held it up to inspect his face, only to growl in dismay when he realized what she was giggling about.

His chin, lower jaw, and neck, were all completely furless.

The Doctor snapped the compact shut with his claws, muttering about the unfairness of the universe, which only caused Rose to double over as she laughed harder. The Doctor rolled his eyes and let out a whuffing sound, completely exasperated by her reaction. "Are you quite done?"

Rose finally stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes, breathing heavily, but with most of her gleeful reaction to his appearance under control. "Yeah, I think so."

The Doctor whined and rubbed a paw against the bare skin of his chin. "Now what am I supposed to do? I look like an idiot, and that is not something I admit to lightly."

"Well," Rose shrugged, grin still tugging hard on the corners of her mouth. "Your hair is supposed to grow back in a few days, right? We'll just wait it out. Could have been worse; when I wax, it's usually three months between."

The Doctor gaped at her, unconsciously shifting back into humanoid form as he did so. Rose blushed and immediately whipped around to head back into the TARDIS before she got even more of an eyeful. Unmindful of his state of undress, the Doctor quickly followed.

"Three months? You have to be joking. You are joking, aren't you Rose? Rose!"


End file.
